Does having leg hair make me less of a woman?

Last week I shaved my legs for the first time in 9 months. Why? I wanted to see if it made me feel like more or less of a woman.

It began last summer (duh), during a bikini/beach/beer holiday with a gorgeous blonde and a beautiful Asian – the two women I lived with at the time. Our week in Croatia brought back a recurring issue for me. The pale hairy legs of the winter had to come out and face the summer sun. I have long felt required to shave/wax/epilate waaaaaaaay up to the top of my thighs because my hair grows thick and dark. (Look at that “because” – where does it place the blame? On the hair.) Ever since I have felt the presence of this obligation, I have felt uncomfortable with everything it stands for.

IMG_2461When I was 12 I was bullied for not shaving my legs. Every other girls’ mother, it seemed, had bought them razors and given them lessons in leg-shaving. This seemed like not only a rite of passage in what seemed like an instant shift from girl to woman, but also a mother-daughter bonding exercise that my mother seemed loathe to opt into. She disliked the entire concept of shaving and didn’t use razors. I was so insistent though, that she promised I could have my legs waxed for my year 7 summer disco – the end of primary education, the beginning of grown-up-hood. (I had emerged from the same disco two years earlier flanked by my two best friends who eagerly betrayed my under-cover-of-darkness disco activities to my waiting mother by spelling out: “Catherine snogged, S-N-O-G-G-E-D A BOY!”)

I would spend that summer on a beach in Brittany reading Life of Pi, contemplating the size of my thighs and worrying about whether people at high school would think I was fat. The previous summer I had “borrowed” an older girl’s razor at camp and cut myself on my first attempt to shave my legs in the shower, then lied about it to my generously gullible (or so I thought) mother, telling her they had forced me to do it. The real impetus came from the bullying I got from the two sisters I shared a room with; it was all in their disgust at my downy 11-year-old legs. The summer after the Brittany beach I spent hours plucking my eyebrows in a tiny mirror and the half-light inside my tent. I returned to high school with chavvy, barely visible and too far apart eyebrows.

My life since puberty (perhaps before) has seemed like a constant battle between my mother’s and other girls’ (and thus their mothers’) opinions. The navigation of types of bras, deodorants, eyebrow plucking, underarm shaving, make-up wearing… everything was a contentious issue and I was stuck in no-man’s land. Short-term, other girls’ opinions (heavily dictated by advertising and celebrity culture) won out. My mother would love me whatever I did, so her opinion mattered less than the high school girls who would judge and exclude me for not following the crowd… But long-term, my mother’s talent for challenging the status quo has reigned supreme in me, and there are few opinions I value as much as hers.

These events are not simply part of the past and therefore to be brushed aside; they are cumulative experiences that affect my relationship with my body, and thus my bodily negotiation with the social, cultural and political world around me. They are part of my embodied knowledge of both my self and the other; that which governs me from within and which surrounds me from without.

In the midst of the fourth wave of feminism, women are reclaiming the female body in all kinds of ways. Australian actress Caitlin Stasey’s web project Herself, a space in which participating women’s bodies and words are openly displayed as they choose, is one inspiring model. Stasey states:

“Herself is a gesture to women for women by women; a chance to witness the female form in all its honesty without the burden of the male gaze, without the burden of appealing to anyone. Let us reclaim our bodies. Let us take them back from those who seek to profit from our insecurity.”

IMG_2448

Your body is all you’ve got (the mind/spirit/body division is redundant – its not as though the mind is some separate entity controlling the body from a remote location):

One is not simply a body, but, in some very key sense, one does one’s body and, indeed, one does one’s body differently from one’s contemporaries and from one’s embodied predecessors and successors”, states Judith Butler (521)

Whether we like it or not, the body is the only vehicle through which we experience the political, social and cultural framework we are intrinsically a part of, and this inherently affected by. As Butler states, everything we do is governed somehow by our surroundings: “the body is always an embodying of possibilities both conditioned and circumscribed by historical convention.” (521)

This is particularly potent when we think about gender. Butler points out that there is a “tacit collective agreement to perform, produce, and sustain discrete and polar genders” (522). We take it as a given that there are defining lines between ‘man’ and ‘woman’ and that these are clear and immutable. These “polar and discrete genders” divide along the biological lines of sex (male and female), and unite us within those two groups. If we think about the gendered body, ‘woman’ is expected to be significantly less hairy than ‘man’, regardless of genetic differences that actually affect the volume of hair that grows on the female body. (Where did this idea originate? It’s not as though women and men of the same racial background evolved with vastly different volumes of body hair.)

Butler asks her reader to “reconceive the gendered body as the legacy of sedimented acts” (523). Practices we consider normal, like what we do with the hair that grows on our bodies, accumulate over time to create our identity and thus our gendered identity. We begin by copying others and later reproduce these collective practices in order to create and sustain our gender. Women (particularly western women) are socialised to believe that the correct performance of their gender involves removal of visible hair all over the body.

The choice to stop shaving my legs after that Croatia trip was my way of reclaiming my body. I drew inspiration from my two wonderful companions who, sexy ladies that they are, did not feel the need to shave above the knee. Neither did they feel they were defying social requirements. Had they never felt the heat of disapproving eyes on their hairy legs because people hadn’t noticed? Had they never received comments about it because they’d got finer, lighter, less visible hair or because this was not a body issue that played on their minds? Were they so unconcerned about hair removal because nobody had ever told them they should do it or because they’d always had the confidence to tell those people to back off?

IMG_2483For me, advertising and peer pressure had been equally vicious and haunting influences upon my body image. I’d had hairy legs before (usually for the few weeks between boyfriend visits), but never shown them off in shorts or a bikini. Being hairy was (and still is) an issue I have a complex and uncomfortable relationship with. This time though, I let it grow and wore my hairy legs proudly. I spent the summer running a mile a day through busy streets wearing tiny shorts and in a bikini by the pool with my family. My initial weeks in China were unbearably hot, so shorts were the only comfortable option. The only comments I received were declarations of admiration and support.

Over the winter, my legs inevitably got paler and the hair just kept growing. For the first time I noticed how the hair grew – where it was thicker, where finer and the places where it just didn’t grow. It began to really know my body in a way I hadn’t previously. Looking down at my muscly thighs covered in fine dark hair I was reminded of my physical strength (perhaps I enjoyed the ‘masculine’ element of it?) and took courage. It felt like the real me.

The brilliant thing is that it required zero effort. My skin took care of itself underneath the hair (whereas shaved skin gets much drier and needs a lot more attention). It felt 100% natural for me to let my body be. I stopped performing my gender (in this one small aspect), and could relax.

The problems began when I wanted to have sex. In the run up to dates that could potentially go further, I interrogated myself continually. Should I shave my legs, just in case the evening went in that direction…? Or should I not allow the evening to end in sex (even if it were on the cards) so as to avoid the awkward disgust my hair might bring? I decided that any guy worth my time would simply accept me as I am, hair and all. Unfortunately, acceptance doesn’t necessarily counteract disgust.

It’s only happened a few times, but I have actually been told that my choice of personal grooming renders me physically less sexy or completely unattractive to the guy I’m attempting some kind of physical relationship with (once while actually still naked in his bed). Many people are too kind to comment, but will nonetheless expect women to have virtually zero body hair. But different men are bothered by hair on different body parts, so perhaps there are no universal expectations as such?

The existing expectations emerge through socialisation; the more we see hairless women (in real life, on tv, in magazines, in porn) the more we understand this to be the normal, natural thing for a woman to be. Butler states: “[t]he authors of gender become entranced by their own fictions whereby the construction compels ones belief in its necessity and naturalness.” (522) By shaving their legs, individual women are perpetuating the idea that women as a gender have hairless legs, and are thereby reducing wider social acceptance of hairy legs.IMG_2457

What is more natural than NOT changing your body? Unfortunately, this line of argument seems to have been lost in some twist of logic, and thus the ‘natural’ way for a woman to look/feel/be is hairless in all the right places.

Do women actually feel / look more female when they shave their legs? Does hairlessness make a female more of a woman? I wanted to try it out for myself. So I shaved my legs for the first time since last June.

I enjoyed the process because it brought change. Difference is always a positive thing, newness is fun while it lasts. But ultimately it brought me little joy and no permanent feeling of difference. I keep thinking, “I bet [insert inspirational woman’s name] doesn’t bother to shave her legs everyday.” What effect should a woman’s personal grooming habits have upon her public image? It doesn’t affect her personality; it only marginally changes her appearance… So why does it have such an impact on identity?

I’d like to extend my little experiment to women around the world. Cultural, racial and generational differences taken into account, do women feel they ought to remove their body hair and why? How does hair removal correlate to the correct performance of a woman’s gender?

Please let me know your thoughts!

Read on:

Butler, Judith. ‘Performative Acts and Gender Constitution: An Essay in Phenomenology and Feminist Theory.’ Theatre Journal 40.4 (1988): 519-531.

Herself.com (Caitlin Stasey)

To Shave or Not to Shave; Why is that the question? (Catherine and the Lion, 2014)

24 thoughts on “Does having leg hair make me less of a woman?”

  1. Short flippant answer: yes

    Annoyingly long over intellectual answer: Hair on the body (both quantity and distribution) is one way to differentiate between men and women. Adult females in general have less hair on their bodies than adult males. When we talk of being ‘more of a woman’ or ‘more of a man’ we generally mean leaning towards those specific characteristics which are associated with being either male or female.

    So given that women are naturally less hairy than men, if you shave your legs and armpits that EXAGGERATES that existing female characteristic in your eyes as well as other people’s eyes. You will inevitably look (and feel) ‘more of a woman’ or ‘more feminine’ or whatever.

    Likewise if you let your body hair grow out, shave your head hair to make a receding hairline and put on a fake beard you will inevitably look (and feel) ‘less of a woman’ or less feminine’ or whatever. Do it well enough and you might even start to look more like a man than a woman.

    Men are usually hard wired to be attracted to female specific body characteristics and vice versa. So it’s only natural that men and women are so eager to enhance their own specific and unique characteristics – because this makes them more attractive to the opposite sex.

    Women who shave their legs, make their eyebrows higher, their head hair look more voluminous, their skin look smoother and softer, their hips, butts and bust more prominent are emphasising and exaggerating those features that identify them as female… and this makes them more attractive to men, and that means they get asked out more, get more free drinks and are more likely to be able to secure a decent good looking wealthy, charming man as a mate. And the same applies to men the other way round. Men who enhance and display their specific masculine traits become more attractive to women, so they are more likely to be able to attract the woman of their dreams too.

    The pressure women face to exaggerate their own physical/ sexual characteristics mostly comes from other women who compete with them to be the most attractive to men (in order to secure the best men). Again the same is true of men competing with other men to be the most attractive to women.

    Advertising and consumer products obviously play on this competitive urge and companies often play on a woman or man’s insecurities about being able to compete for a mate, or just compete for social status based on looks. A big part of advertising is to make unrealistic goals appear to be the norm (to make you feel bad about yourself) but to also make them appear attainable…. but only if you buy their product. It’s a standard sales pitch. This constant sales pitch adds more pressure to meet unrealistic and increasingly absurd standards – most of which now require you to buy expensive products or undergo expensive procedures.

    These urges to exaggerate our basic sexual characteristics to make us more attractive to the opposite sex are perfectly natural, but for most of human history ACTING ON these urges was limited by the practicalities of a harsh life with lots of manual labour and very little free time, disposable wealth or modern technology. In the past people struggled to just to feed themselves and stay relatively clean, lice free. For a lot of women ‘make up’ often involved little more than washing your face in a pan of water and pinching your cheeks to make them rosy. That’s it. Done. Now it’s off to milk the goat…. feed the chickens,….. skin a rabbit…. scrub the floors….. pick vegetables… etc etc.

    The very fact that modern western (and increasingly non western) women CAN spend a fortune and a considerable amount of time and energy on cosmetics, hair styling, shaving, plucking and cosmetic procedures is actually an indication that western women are enjoying massive privilege relative to all the women (and men) of history. The same is true to a lesser extent for western men who are now just starting to have enough free time and money to also indulge in a bit of metrosexual ‘male grooming’ beyond the traditional washing, shaving and short back and sides.

    But as usual feminists like to spin this massive privilege and huge leap in standard of living that modern women now enjoy into some nightmare narrative about women’s diabolical oppression as helpless ‘acted upon’ victims of the ‘patriarchy’!

    But the truth is that the average women today gets to indulge in her appearance, clothing and general self-pampering in a way that was previously reserved for royalty only.

    Like most feminist issues it can be filed under: first world problems.

    1. no. womanhood is not defined by femininity.
      it might make her appear less FEMININE, but it does not make her less of a woman.

      And are men who have hair less manly than bald men, because hair length is another thing that differentiates men from women?
      because basically what you’re saying is that women have to have absolutely bald legs in order to be womanly, when naturally, 99% of women DO GROW BODY HAIR. just like how 99.9% of men DO GROW HAIR ON THEIR HEADS. although men might grow more body hair than women, that doesn’t mean that women should shave ALL OF IT OFF, just like how because women might grow their hair out longer than men, doesn’t mean that men should SHAVE THEIR ENTIRE HEADS.

    2. > no. womanhood is not defined by femininity.

      I never said it was. It’s actually the other way around. From the dictionary:

      feminine
      adjective
      1 having qualities or appearance traditionally associated with women, esp. delicacy and prettiness : a feminine frilled blouse.

      > what you’re saying is that women have to have absolutely bald legs in order to be womanly

      No I am not saying that. I am saying that there is a scale with hairy bodies on one end and not hairy bodies on the other end. If nobody shaves or waxes than women will be on the less hairy end and men will be on the more hairy end. Even the hairiest woman is going to be less hairy than the average man.

      So having established that having LESS body hair is a female characteristic and having MORE body hair is a male characteristic, if you want to look MORE feminine you shave or wax, and if you want to look more masculine you cover yourself in glue and roll about on a hairdresser’s floor.

      Men also have thinner head hair than women in general, plus men are more prone to baldness. Therefore men with bald heads are displaying more obvious male characteristics than men with thick, flowing locks. And women with thin hair lank look less female than women with thick flowing locks.

      If you don’t believe me just imagine yourself in a nightmare situation where for some unknown reason all women seen in public are shot on sight by snipers and you’ve got to cross town!

      What would you do to make yourself look like a man?

      I would shave a receding hairline, and stick hairs to my arms and legs.

      No imagine you are a man in the reverse scenario – what would you do to make yourself look more like a woman?

      How about shave our arms and legs and put on a wig of thick flowing hair?

      So there we go. In normal life there are no snipers trying to shoot us (thank god!), but instead there is the desire to attract a mate, usually of the opposite sex. And as the saying goes “opposites attract” and that is why women usually exaggerate their female physical characteristics and men usually exaggerate their male physical characteristics.

      For women that means shaving and waxing and making your head hair look as full and thick as possible. So that is why cutting your hair off makes you less of a woman… not literally! …. but in terms of your *appearance* (how people perceive you across a crowded room) you have just gotten rid of one of the most obvious physical indicators of your femaleness.

      > although men might grow more body hair than women, that doesn’t mean that women should shave ALL OF IT OFF,

      I agree. It’s a choice. Nobody is forcing anybody to do anything. Most women – especially young single women – CHOOSE to shave and wax because they want to exaggerate their femaleness of their physical appearance, in order to be the MOST attractive to men. Young single women are usually COMPETING with each other to find the best mate, and one way of competing for men is to make yourself look the most feminine you can. Men are hard wired to be attractive to feminine looking women, because they are the most likely to be fertile.

      Female hormones inhibit body hair growth and promote thikc head hair.. and male hormones have the opposite effect.

      So a young woman with thick body hair and thin, lank head hair gives the impression that she doesn’t have much female hormone and has lots of male hormones…. which means she might not be very fertile. So most men are hard wired to not find female body hair – or any other male attribute – attractive.

      And of course once women start competing with each other by shaving, that becomes the new ‘standard’. A woman with perfectly typical body hair distribution now looks like a gorilla by comparison if she doesn’t shave.

      Feminists love to complain about the pressure to shave and wax, but they always forget to mention that pressure comes from other women, and not from men.

      If all women stopped shaving tomorrow, then the natural hairy look would soon become the norm again and men would adjust…. but then a few women would start waxing to make themselves that bit more feminine than the competition, and pretty soon the whole waxing thing would start all over again 🙂

    3. also: “if you let your body hair grow out, shave your head hair to make a receding hairline and put on a fake beard”
      There’s a difference between not shaving your legs, vs. shaving your head hair to make a receding hairline and putting on a fake beard.
      99% of women grow some degree of body hair, whereas VERY few women have receding hairlines or beards.
      the vast MAJORITY of women grow body hair. it’s an indicator that a woman is of reproductive age.

    4. I’m sincerely sorry, Curiosetta but these kind of argument about the naturality of social constructs irks me and are the basis for non changing, starting from “first world problems”, like shaving and stereotypes of appearence, up to economic problems, which create inequality and divede the worlds in ordinal numbers (1st, 2ns etc), and I’m sure that appying this same train of thought, one can say that it’s just natural, competition between non specialized workers of which there is a large supply, much larger than demand, etc.. The usual reduction to competitivity and nature of socially costructed problems. I’m a man and for me hair or no hair in a woman is part of a natural variety, shaving or not should is a way to express yourself, male or female.
      The idea that all men think alike and that women as a whole still think about winning the best men is offensive as if they need men and not simply want them.
      Also you contraddict yourself mentioning metrosexuals, because I was about to name them, how do you explain it? Why don’t men then exagerate male characteristics like baldness and hairyness.
      It’s at least 90% social and subjected to fashion, Sophia Loren showed armpit hair, then the 80’s, it’s bound to come and go, and if less people felt the necessity of conforming and unltimately realize “they” create the fashion, it will be a good time.
      Also nowadays more men are wearing makeup and nail polish, although it’s still something expected in the context of more typical mix of “rocker” , punk and goth outfits or looks.
      Btw, Op, although you pull off leg hair well, it’s incredible you get such a close shave with a razor on your thigh, the zone where you most grow hair.
      Curiosetta might have a point, though, what about the culturally induced expectation many women still have toward men ;)? Feminism should also deal with it, that’s why many people accuse it of being all about criticizing and analizing men preference and less (but not always, especially on internet) when it comes to woman preference toward them.
      I understand feminism, of course came from a context where women preference counted little, so it’s fair, to an extend they heightened their preferences while criticizing men (but i’d say society in general) judgemental attitude toward girl independence, sex life etc. But now it comes the time for women to wonder about their preference and how some common pattern might have originated.
      She might be saying, EvoPsych, men strong body, fittest men, mgtow and mra will go hypergamy, but being serious, they deserve a social analysis similarly to men being grossed by women hair.
      Also sometimes men just likes power (like some men) and use the women as an excuse, a passive instrument. So some women preferences might be part of this power dynamics.
      Bye.

  2. I find it interesting that you are writing at leg shaving and femininity in Beijing. All it takes is a trip to the store to see that shaving cream is only sold in “masculine” colors to note, that the women here are not shaving there legs. I’d be curious to know if the guys who commented were local or foreign? It will also be interesting to see, if leg shaving will be accepted along with other western ideas of beauty in the next few years, or if leg shaving will continue to be a definitely western marker of feminine beauty.

    1. Hey Amira, thanks for reading!
      I liked your post and remember having similar issues in high school PE lessons – I always wore trousers after about y10, I rarely shaved my legs back then and consequently rarely had the confidence to show them off. I think this is a lesson every woman should learn for herself. It may simply teach you how thick and fast your body hair grows on your body, but it may also get you thinking about why you remove the hair in the first place. Personally, I’m still quite enjoying the change (particularly with the threat of intense Chinese summer heat brewing in the air these days). That’s not to say I’ll change my mind again – and it’s perfectly ok to be inconsistent with it. It’s not like it harms anyone!

    2. That’s so true – thank you for sharing that with me! It’s so weird – I was 10 and hairless and suddenly it all appeared from nowhere it seems! It’s boiling and tights won’t do anymore so I guess I’ll have to fight the shaving battle – thanks cascatherine 🙂

  3. You’re right – many women don’t shave their legs in China. It’s not drilled-in in quite the same way as in Western culture. Most young Chinese I have spoken who do not shave their legs say they’ve never needed to because they are not visibly hairy. However, many beauty ideals are being adopted, if not directly from the West then often via Korean and Japanese culture. I can say for sure that young Korean women are hugely into their hair removal in all forms: stores sell tiny razors for the hair on women’s upper lips, a tool I’ve never yet seen in China; young women get underarm hair laser-removed; I remember only ever seeing one student friend with hairy thighs during the year I was there. With the growing popularity of plastic surgery in China, which I view as coming from Korea rather than Europe or the US, particularly as standard Asian beauty seems so prevalent, I don’t think widespread expectations of hair removal is far behind!

  4. I’m 13 years old and I’ve amlost begged my mother in asking her to shave my legs. She dislikes with my option so if I wan to go in shorts, I need to have some skin-clorored thighs that covers all the hair. I hate it! I’ve tried with everything but I can’t get her to change her mind! It’s depressing. All the girles in my class gets to were skirts and shaved legs while I have hairy legs with thighs on and clothes over that! What can I do?

    1. Hey!
      Thanks for reading. I know where you’re coming from with this – my mother had similar opinions and I often felt trapped between what my mother thought and what my friends thought. Ultimately, while you are still living at home and dependent on your parents, they have the last word on what you can and cannot do. You also have to remember that they are doing what they think is best for you as a young woman in the long run. It may seem unfair right now, but one day – like me – you may appreciate what your mother did for you. Being different from our friends in some way often makes us feel uncomfortable as teenagers. But as an adult, being an individual and the ability to feel comfortable in our differences is something that makes us strong, intelligent women.

      In my opinion, you should take some time and think about why you want to shave your legs. Is it because of something you feel about your body, or is it because you are comparing yourself to others? Does this feeling originate from you or from somewhere else (your friends, models in magazines, celebrities in the media, people on TV)?

      You should also research alternative hair removal methods, to find out what could work for you (waxing, hair removal cream, epilation). There are benefits to all of these – eg. shaving is usually cheaper but you have to do it much more regularly than others. Waxing may be painful but it lasts much longer. Creams (eg. Veet) don’t hurt and last longer than shaving.

      Once you really know what it is that you want, I suggest you talk to your mother in a mature, adult way about this issue – express the reasons for your opinions and allow her time to do the same. Try to remember that you and your mother are different from your friends and their mothers – this issue is between you two, so try not to involve other people. I can’t promise that her views will change but perhaps she will help you try things out so you can make the right decision for you.

      Good luck!

    1. Thanks Alissa, I saw this and thought it was wonderful. Although it is far more common to see Chinese women with hairy armpits than, say, Brits or Americans, Chinese women are still feeling the social pressure to alter their bodies. The Chinese idea that it is “impolite” not to shave your underarms (whether female or male), I find extremely destructive. How dare anyone presume to tell others how to manage their bodies?

    2. I feel like the expectation that one needs to alter one’s body is fairly common across history and cultures. What varies is how the body should be altered. That being said, the commonality of these expectations don’t make them any less harmful. From what I’ve seen personally, it is the expectations on weight that make me worry a lot more about the health of people I know here.

  5. Thanks for the fascinating article!

    As a man I personally think a more natural woman is way sexier on many levels, both physically and intellectually. However I do appreciate that I’m in a minority!

    What always amazes me on this topic though is how it seems to open the door to almost violent and quite sexist comments and opinions, from both genders! What a woman chooses to do with her body is obviously entirely her business and should be respected as such, it shouldn’t mean that it’s somehow an invitation to unsolicited public ridicule of any kind. To me that is just the epitomy of rudeness and meanness, stooping to school playground mentality is, ironically, way, way more unappealing than harmless, fuzzy limbs!

    We are each unique but we are all pressurised to conform by the societies we live in, more broadly speaking I believe this forced genericism, to an extent, limits us as a species.

    Vive la différence!!

    All woman are beautiful in their own way but a woman who chooses the path nature intended is truly an inspiring vision of self-awareness and self-acceptance.

    Essentially, there are far, far greater and more worthy things on this earth to direct one’s ire at than whether a woman choses to go natural or not.

    Ok, I’ll stop rambling now!

    Thanks x

    1. Thanks a lot for your comment, D. I agree that self-acceptance is a beautiful and inspiring quality, in both men and women. But perhaps it is harder to come by in a woman, as women are so heavily targeted and pressurised into conformity that it is very difficult to find self-acceptance in going against the grain.

    2. Thank you so much for this comment. As a woman on the verge of giving up shaving entirely, it is encouraging to hear from a man who finds this attractive. My greatest fear in quitting shaving is losing the love and attraction of my husband. However, he is a spiritual and intelligent man who appreciates a strong woman and he dislikes things like makeup and pushup bras, feeling they are deceitful.
      Lately, as we work together to improve our sex life, he has told me that at times I take on this little girl attitude that turns him off. I wonder if this is because I have shaved almost daily since my body hair first appeared, sending the subconscious message to my mind each day that it isn’t okay to be a grown woman in an adult body. So perhaps changing this habit will change my unconscious attitude and thus actually make me more attractive to him. I hope so.
      My husband also confesses to some bi tendencies, though he isn’t sure he could actually sleep with a man. Could this also be a subconscious and confused hunger for a more natural looking, thus hairier, woman?
      I suppose there is only one way to find out. Over the past few years, I have gone from an appearance-obssessed woman to a mostly au naturale woman and have not regretted a single step (read about this journey and why I believe in being natural at http://www.redhothope.com). Shaving my armpits and legs are my last weakness. I pray that only good comes from overcoming it and that doing so in fact only increases my husband’s love, devotion, attraction, and passion toward me.
      After all, even I don’t know what my natural body looks like and haven’t been showing it holistic love, so how can I yet accept that deep love and knowing from another?

  6. Where can I find a woman who does not hide behind a preconceived idea. A woman who keep their naturalness in both, the soul and the body…………..

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